Some of life’s quirky moments get infused with a mysterious mixture of timing and poignancy and against all odds, manage to stay etched upon our awareness forever. An interesting conversation I had with my Dad many years ago still lingers with me in that kind of vivid detail. When I recall that day and our conversation, I polish a gem of personal wisdom that applies to all of us, offering the promise of making our lives easier, better and more fulfilling. I’d like to pass this little gem on to you.
Photo Credit: LightOnDude
On a clear, blue-sky, blue-sea day in Florida, my father and I sat in matching deck chairs overlooking an inland waterway. The early morning calm, the sea taste in the air and the sun’s gentle touch seemed to create an alchemical magic that primed us for an intriguing exchange. “Hey, Dad,” I said unceremoniously, “what do you think I’m going to do with my life? I mean, what could I really be good at?” Even as the words escaped my mouth, my mind became entangled with doubt and insecurity.
“The thing you will do better than everyone else,” Dad began, “is the thing that will come to you so naturally, so easily,” he continued, with a casual flip of his hand, “that you will write it off as valueless.”
I swiveled to look at him. My brain cued to full attention.
“The very thing that will set you apart will be so easy,” he said, bearing down on the last word, “so effortless for you…,” he looked up at the sky with a wistful smile, “…that you will think, ‘Oh, this is no big deal, everyone can do this.’ But that, right there,” he emphasized with a little jab of his finger in the air, “will be the thing that you do better than anyone else.” I started to laugh as my Dad became the entertainer. “That,” he said, looking at me straight in the eyes, “is your real talent. That easy thing is really your greatest strength and your greatest gift.”
At the time, I knew my Dad’s advice was good, though it would take me years to realize it had been great. He uttered a truly universal human truth that day: Our greatest traits are often those that remain invisible to us, because they come through us with such a natural, unhindered flow.
As a society, we tend to value only that which requires struggle. We seem to have collectively absorbed the idea that sweat and strain produce the best results, while we remain mistrustful of relaxed gain and easy success.
How remarkable it is, then, that our most beautiful “work” often comes haphazardly, with no apparent or intended effort. Maybe we have a knack for inspiring children, organizing chaos, speaking perfect words to a friend in grief, fixing anything we touch, dreaming up incredible travel ideas, encouraging cooperation, seeing the big picture or peeling off a dozen creative ideas for someone else without blinking. And we are baffled when someone makes a huge, complimentary fuss over us while we are “just doing nothing.”
The gem in this for all of us is the impetus to start examining our moments of real ease to see if we are in the presence of overlooked brilliance. The next time you are complimented for “no reason,” stop and think. You might discover a new career possibility, an easier solution to a problem, or perhaps just some much needed self-appreciation. As you start to organize your life around your natural gifts, it just might happen that the easy thing will become the ticket to your success, confidence and ultimate happiness.
Emily L. Butler is a creativity coach and holistic health educator who maintains a private practice in Manhattan and offers workshops, guest speaking events and retreats throughout the East Coast. Connect with her at AscendanceHolisticHealing.
When we adopted our oldest son from Kazakhstan in 2001, he was just a few months shy of his 4th birthday. He had spent all of his days since birth in the orphanage, and in those years he had never owned a thing. Not a book. Not a toy. Not even a stitch of clothing. Everything that he touched was communal property. The best coats, pants, socks, and shoes were claimed by those children who woke up early enough to grab them first. And toys were rare commodities that were fought over during the day and then put away, out of reach in cabinets at night.
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Everywhere you look, all over this country, we are implementing “Zero tolerance” polices for bullying and/or intolerance. Yet the policies are being implemented and ignored. People advocate them and criticize them, demand them and reject them. But “Zero tolerance” can work and does work. Why, then, are there so many examples of it not working?
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